The discovery begins!
Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.
— Oscar Wilde.
This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.
Finding Happiness in Hobbies
When you think of hobbies, it is something that we assume everyone has. A person can sew, paint, read, write or work out. Hobbies are something that we do for fun or to release stress. There are people who have tons of hobbies and enjoy everyone of them. And there are others who may have a few that they stick to every week religiously. I look at my life and think, “Well, I have hobbies, but haven’t hobbied in awhile”. I recently finished school and I thought to myself, “I’m going to start reading and writing again”. Those were major hobbies of mine years ago. I finally have free time where I can read for fun and not textbooks. I can write for the joy of it and not papers(being a novelist was always a dream of mine).
Besides this blog, I have yet to find myself reading or writing for entertainment. I will pick up a book and think, nah. I will write tid bits, but never a full poem or story. When I was younger, I had hobbies that I enjoyed. At this point in my life, the things I once enjoyed, does not bring me joy. I remember I managed to read three books in one week(pre-children and school). Now I am lucky to even pick up a book and get past the first chapter.
I know that this inability to do things just for me, is my fault. I’ve been a mother for seven years and rarely set time aside for myself. As the years went by the more time I had, I gave to everyone else and not myself. You get to a point and you ask yourself, “What do I enjoy doing the most?” All the things I enjoy doing haven’t gone completely. I like to play video games and some days a manage a couple rounds of game play. If I wake up early enough or if the kids are napping I can play. I know you may say, “Why not read or write?” Reading and writing are things that I can get lost in. If a story is amazing, I wont want to stop. If I am writing and the words are following, I do not want a dam put in my way.
As a mother, I am still figuring out how to put time aside for me. I’ve struggled with this, especially after my last two children. They were born within two years of each other. Toddler wants lots of attention and babies need it. So I gave them plus my oldest time and attention. I left myself, my wants and my needs by the wayside. Do I blame this on my children, no. This is my fault. There are plenty of parents that manage to stay who they are after having children. They manage to have a career, a social life, and time for self-care. I envy those moms especially who look put together all the time from head to toe. There is always something on me that is a hot mess. For example, I rocked a messy pony/bun for about two weeks. I wear dresses and can’t remember the last time I shaved my legs(it’s been awhile).
So how can I incorporate hobbies into my life (or you in yours)? I’m always told to take an hour for myself. I know this task seems so hard to do, when going to the bathroom alone in damn near impossible. For me I either find time early in the morning or once my husband returns home. So far I tend to just sit alone with my thoughts or browse the web. The first hobby that I want to add is reading. I think the best way to do this, is to read while the girls are doing one of their hobbies. If they are preoccupied with an activity, then I can focus on mine. I was thinking about starting a reading hour for my family. During this time, we will all be involved in reading activities.
I know not all kids enjoy reading, especially when they start out learning how. I want to be an example for them. I want my children to grow up with a love of reading. I think adding a dedicated reading time can help all of us. I know I mentioned time for myself in the beginning of this post, but small steps. A second hobby that I want to add back into my life is crocheting. I used to make blankets for my girls but haven’t in a year or so. I think I can achieve this hobby while my two oldest are in school and my baby is home. She has become more independent and likes to play by herself. This will be a great time for me to do this hobby.
This all sounds good written down and an easy task, but to make sure I complete these goals I will post and blog about it. I will share my progress on my Instagram and twitter within the next week or so. I hope these small steps lead to me finding hobbies that I can enjoy again. If any of my readers have any suggestions on how they find time for themselves comment below and let me and others know!
First day of school and no tears!?
As a mother, we look forward to our children growing up and learning. We want them to grow and become amazing little people. My children didn’t go to daycare, either I stayed at home or I had a family member watch them. So their first day of pre-k is a big day for me. I am full of worry, nervous and excited about their new journey. For my oldest, she was a little nervous but drop off was easy. I thought there would be tears or that she would hold on to me and not let me go. Nope! My oldest was more ready for school than I was ready. I kept peeking around the corner to see her in her classroom. She gravitated towards the play kitchen area and got lost in her pre-k world. I left and walked down the stairs and out to the car. Sitting there in my seat, I felt some type of way.
But why? Don’t most parents want our children to glide right into school with no problems? Yet, here I was upset that my child wouldn’t miss me. She didn’t ask me to stay, she waved bye and had a good day of school. This was three years ago and school has been one of her favorite things to do. She loves the friends she had made and had enjoyed all of her teachers. She is currently in second grade and so far so good. I mean like most children, summer vacation went by too fast for her, but she jumped back into the swing of things. Hopefully, this year will be great as well.
Now my second daughters first day of pre-k loomed. She was starting school a year earlier than her sister and I was nervous. I wanted her to be brave like her sister. For the previous two weeks, she was excited at the thought of school. Every day she would scream, “yay, school!”. Then the day arrived and excitement was racing through her body, but so was nervous energy. Her father and I walked her into the school, her hand in his and the other grasping on to her bookbag strap. We walked into the classroom and she looked around and gravitated towards…the kitchen play area, just like her sister. We gave her a kiss goodbye and left her classroom. I stopped at the end of the hall and walked back, but she was still fine.Â
I was fine.
I was happy and proud that she didn’t cry or was upset. I kind of feel silly looking back at my first daughters first day of school and was upset that she didn’t cry. We all want our children to be ready for the world without us, yet I was upset that my child was. It’s the first time in my life where I wasn’t going to be around my child for long periods of time and that she wouldn’t need me. And that’s where I realized where my problem was. This was the first time that my child will be completely independent of me. She will not have me by her side. Once I have come to this conclusion, I thought that it was ridiculous.
This is what those first few years of raising her were for. I was raising her to be an independent person. I have succeeded at this and I should have been happy that she managed to start school confidently. This growth has helped me let go of my second born and to allow her to blossom into an independent preschooler. This time I was nervous that she would cry and not want to let me go. I wanted her to have fun on her first day and jump right in. Besides all of the nerves, she did very well on her first day of school.
I went from a mom who was sad that their kid didn’t cry, to a mother who was proud that her daughter didn’t cry. As many have said before, there isn’t a manual for parenting. We learn as our children grow and I learned that I should want my children to be strong and brave when entering new situations. Being nervous is fine as well, but knowing that they will be okay in new situations is good too.
School is a great journey for all children to begin. They learn what they are good at and what they may want to do in life. As a parent, my goal is to support my children and make sure that school is a great experience for them.
Weight, the lifelong battle.
Throughout my life, I mentally, emotionally and physically battled with my weight and body issues. From a pre-teen years until now, I always had negative thoughts about my body. My arms were too fat, so I never wore tank tops or shirts that showed off my arms. If I did wear them, it was always paired with a jacket or cardigan to hide the upper parts of my arms. I didn’t wear shorts due to thighs rubbing together, cellulite and stretch marks.
Even at the times in my life when I was my smallest, I still saw a heavy girl. I remember in my teens/early 20’s, I brought this skirt. It was a size 18, I believe at the time I was smaller than that. But I saw a girl who was a size 18. Of course, I am famous for not trying on clothes so I brought is and it was too big. I didn’t return it, I just kept it and wore it with a belt, because I felt like that was my size.
There were moments in my life where I felt good about my body. I liked certain outfits, accessories or looked acceptable in clothes. These moments would come and go. Yet, even when I was feeling my best, in the back of my head I saw every imperfection. You know there will be family or friends who say, “you look good” or “you’re not fat” and no matter how many times you are told that it doesn’t matter. It just doesn’t matter what someone else says about your body. They don’t live in it, so how can they tell me about it. This means years of failed diets, hiding my body with baggy clothes or just dealing with being fat. When I would wear a skirt or dress, I would always wear a pair of tights underneath to hide my legs.
As I’ve mentioned previously, there were times where I loved my body. Not sure why, but I would wear what I wanted without fear. I would show some skin and even…a little midriff. I felt amazing, I felt beautiful, sexy! There are pictures on social media from my life where I felt and looked my best and I wanted to share it with the world and remember how good I looked.
These moments didn’t last long, but they were good while they did. As time passed I met someone and eight years later we have three amazing girls. Right now they are 7, 3 and 1. After each one, I tried to lose the weight that I’ve gained, but diets never really stuck. At one point I convinced myself, “why lose the weight if I’m just going to gain it back when I get pregnant again?”. Of course, the whole point of losing the weight was to prevent the pounds from packing on top of each other. But packed on they did. After my third daughter, I decided that I was going to take my weight loss seriously.
Babies first birthday rolls around, no weight loss only weight gained. There was a point in my life where I felt down and not my myself. Food was a comfort and something easily attainable. Being overwhelmed with taking care of kids, eating quick unhealthy food was my go-to. When I was upset, I turned to food. Yet, I noticed this pattern and tried to stop it. This summer I decided to try a low carb diet. It was difficult at first and I failed a few times, but I managed to stick to it. I lost nine pounds in the first few weeks and then I stalled. Frustrated, I cheated and then I started the diet again.
I stuck to it, but then you realize dieting and eating healthy is hard when you are on a budget. Usually, the cheapest foods that you can buy are carbs. A big bag of rice is cheaper than a couple of pounds of fresh veggies. Grabbing boxes of pasta is cheaper than buying bags of fruit. When food needs to stretch, carbs are the better option for a family of five. That is one of the things I want to learn how to do on this healthy journey. I want to make amazing meals that are healthy and financially attainable.
I am on the search for a diet that will fit all my needs. I am trying to find healthier meal options not just for me, but for my kids. Learning how to live a healthy lifestyle and to be a healthy person starts in childhood. I am lucky enough that my children are at a good weight for their age. They eat a variety of food at their ages. As they get older, I want them to make great choices for themselves once they start to purchase their food. I am hoping this next step will lead to a healthier lifestyle for me.
Who I was and Who I am now
As a 32-year-old mother of three girls, finding who I am again does not involve trying to be who I was. Before my children, I was always working or out with my friends. I could have been at a bar on a Tuesday for happy hour or stay out until 2 a.m. on a Saturday night. I cannot travel back in time and be that young girl without a care in the world. Besides, I am no longer that girl I was before I had children. Having children makes you grow up in a different way and look at your time differently. The few times their father and I managed to have a date, we like to leave early and get home early. Are we old folks now who can’t hang…some days yes! Yet, there are things that I enjoy more than staying out until midnight. Putting my daughters to bed and having a snuggle with my baby are things I enjoy.
Life with children change and the things that we enjoyed doing changes as well. I have friends who night out don’t start until 10 p.m, I want to be in the house before then. This does not mean I don’t have fun, it means the way I have fun has changed. For example, I prefer to go out for brunch or watch a matinee in the early afternoon. This change of fun didn’t happen overnight. It was learned through trial and error. Some people have the ability to continue with their late-night lifestyle after having a kid, but I am not one of those people. I envy those people, but on a normal day, I’m ready for bed by 9. If I go out, I’m ready for bed earlier than that.
This shift in mindset and my own bodies capabilities made me realized, I am an early bird now and that is okay. Trying to keep up with the Jones’s in any sense can leave you feeling inadequate or that you are missing out(which is for another post). Children can cause a huge shift in your life, but that does not mean you have to give up all aspects of who you are. My biggest mistakes with being in mommy mode 24/7 is that I didn’t take time to keep friendships or make them stronger. It is always next time or maybe next month. Having the funds was also another issue, but I could have put aside fun funds. Eventually, people stop messaging or sending out invites, which is understandable. If you keep saying no, why would anyone continue to offer. This was also my problem before children, but that’s another story.
As I write this, I am sitting in my room while my children play and my husband enjoys his video games. This is a good night for me. It may not be eventful or glamorous, but it’s one of those nights I enjoy. Do I miss the old times of hanging out with friends, yes. Would I like more times like that as well, of course, but all in due time. I think I have to convince myself that people want to hang out with me, more than convincing them. But for anyone who feels the way I do, send that friend a text and schedule a lunch date. Go out with your spouse and have fun like you used to. Hell, if you are still able to stay out until midnight, call up your favorite babysitter and have fun on the town. We can’t go back in time and be who we were, but we can be the best versions of ourselves now.
Hello, it’s me…
To whomever is reading my blog, Hello! I am trying this blogging thing out for a third or fourth time. This next installment is on a different site and a different time in my life. Before, I was posting any random thing. I couldn’t find out exactly what I wanted to write. I never really stuck to it out. There was always something else I had to write or read. For example, school work. I recently finished my graduate degree and I am officially done with school…for now. This opens up free writing time that I did not have before. This also gives me the ability to read for entertainment and not just for educational purposes. I’ve been in school for most of my life, so not being a student is kind of a weird thing. School was a huge part of me and now it’s gone.
As I completed my journey in education, my two oldest continue and start theirs. My oldest child is in the second grade and soon my middle child will be starting pre-k. I am nervous and happy about this new experience she will have. She has been home with me for the past three years and I think I am more nervous than she is. She exclaims, “School!” through the house, while I worry about her starting this new stage in life. Yet, I still have a little one at home and it will just be me and her. Hopefully, she enjoys just having me at home.
As a current stay at home mom(SAHM), there are ups and downs. This was a choice I made and one that was financially sound. All the income I would have earned would have went to daycare, which I am not sure it would even cover. Why pay someone to take all my money to watch my kids, when I can just do it myself? Yet, there is also a down side to this. Living off one income is not ideal, especially in the city I reside in. Trying to find a bigger place to live as my family has grown is near impossible, but we make due.
I am grateful for being able to be around during the early years of my children’s lives. I was able to be around for their first words, first steps and many other milestones, which some mothers miss. Yet, there are a lot of things that as a person I miss out on as well. My children have become my whole life, I put them first before anything else. When I used to work, it was straight home to my daughter, now with two more in the mix, its always the children first. Me and my husbands last date (which was months ago) was for an event for our daughters school.
Being a parent is one of the best things to happen to me, but being a mother shouldn’t be the only thing that defines who I am. I used to read, write, and other hobbies that I do not do anymore. I am not blaming my children for this, this is mostly my fault. I felt like my all had to be given to my children. I suffered some depression where I became overwhelmed in life. I needed to start taking some time for me. Which I still have problems doing, but I am trying to get better at it. This blog is to help me with this. I am writing about all the old hobbies I enjoyed and hopefully the new ones I discovered. This blog is about me as a mother as well. Being a mother is a large part of who I am, but it is not the only part of me. I hope if you are a SAHM/D, or a parent in general who has given their all to their children gets the chance to rediscover who they are again with me.
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Finding Who I am Again 